This is a personal testimony about my experiences in worship of and fellowship with Christ. It is about Jesus Christ as Lord and Father and Jesus Christ as Beloved.
It is about my devotion to Jesus and the unveiling of my rebellion against Christ. It is about the enduring Grace, Mercy and Lovingkindness of Jesus Christ in dealing with me. It is also about the insidious working of demonic spirits and about how I empowered them unknowingly.
A brief background of earlier events:
On Christmas eve 2013, the Lord called me to extended times of worship, at night hours, late evenings, early mornings and during the day. This was under His detailed instructions about when and how to worship.
Initially, I encountered intense demonic opposition, which eventually I was able to overcome under direction of the Lord. However, there remained a more subtle influence, of which I was not aware at first.
As the Lord drew me closer in worship, our fellowship beam very close, and He spoke to me very kindly and tenderly, often thanking me for periods of worship.
In this closeness, an old attitude of rebellion rose up in me, which I began to place myself into a role of the Lord’s Equal.
The Lord at first responded very kindly, and pointed out to me what was going on.
However, I could not completely control the expressions of rebellion, and the Lord began to correct me.
I tried to deny ownership of the rebellion, and passed it to the demonic voices, but the Lord held me accountable. After some very intense encounters with the Lord, I discovered that I could counter the thoughts of rebellion by speaking out loud what I felt in my heart – my adoration for the Lord in His Glory and Mercy, in His magnificent Beauty and awesome Sovereignty and Power.
The Lord accepted these statements as true, and as overriding the thoughts of rebellion.
On the Saturday of the Tiffin meeting, the Lord had me for seven hours before Him, listening to worship music and telling me to voice every thought of rebellion and blasphemy that went through my mind. He assured me that He would not hold me accountable for them.
After seven hours, the demonic influence was broken. The Lord instructed me to hold the ground that He had cleared for me and told me that He now left worship in my hands. He left me, and I felt sad. I worshiped Him in the evening and went to bed. In the morning, I woke up at 3:00 AM and wondered what to do. The Lord spoke softly and gently to me to stay on the schedule that He had established for me. So I worshipped Him and continued as before.
He joined me again and our relationship went deeper. He gave me some aspects of His future plans for me. At the same time, the attitude and spirit of rebellion rose up again, and the relationship with Him became again very difficult.
On the following Sunday, I felt that I was in danger of transgressing deadly boundaries. Monday morning, I met with Steven and Judy. Steven received a revelation about the working of a demonic spirit. The Lord told me to rise to my feet and worship Him aloud in a song, which I did.
In the afternoon, I worshipped Him again, and the Lord revealed to me in quick sequence more about His Lordship and the true nature of the thoughts of rebellion that I had. The experience was overwhelming. At one time, He had me stop and lay down for a while.
He also revealed that He had paid at the cross for all the insults that I had done to Him. The intensity of our interaction continued on Tuesday morning. After teaching, I came back in the evening, and the Lord called me to Him after dinner. I knew that He wanted me to come right away, but I took my time to switch off the lights.
I broke down and pondered how that attitude could be broken, what He might do. He had already asked me to offer my book and my teaching job as a sacrifice. I thought that the dearest thing left for me was that I could sacrifice was His presence.
When He asked me what He should do, I said: “Send me from Your Presence, Lord.” After a longer silence, He said: “I accept your sacrifice. Depart.”
He said He would still hear my prayers of confession; also the Holy Spirit would still minister to me.
At night, he spoke very gently and encouraged me to be strong.
During worship on Wednesday morning, there was again strong demonic opposition, although not as intense as in the beginning. I made strong efforts to keep my mind on the Lord, which succeeded to some degree. At times, I would again here the gentle voice of the Lord, at other times there was solid silence.
In the evening, I gave my testimony at our church meeting. Judy and Steven had earlier reported on the revelation the Lord had released through Steven. Next morning, the presence of the Lord returned as I began to worship. There was minimal demonic opposition, only a faint background chatter in my mind. The Lord held me to keeping my attention on Him. After some time, in the midst of the worship cycle, He called me before Him. There was again a faint thought of rebellion.
He asked me what He should do. I said: “I do not know, Lord.” He said: “I will love you.” I said: “Thank you, Lord.” He said: “And you love me.” I said: “Yes, Lord.”
In the early morning hours, He dealt with me in a kind but very firm way that did not admit disobedience. I realized that He had broken the stronghold of rebellion in my mind. I did not accept ownership of rebellious thoughts any more, The Lord told me that I should not. Initially I was still countering rebellious thoughts with verbal confessions of the opposite. The Lord instructed me not to do that any longer, that He knew my heart and that He would deal with the demon.